Sunday, September 18, 2011

Create A Fire

Sunday~it's dank, don't see any sun or son, the door thermometer reads all of 48 degrees, house cold, shocker and I didn't sleep good again last night. Think it's the change in weather wasn't cold but wanted more covers and it was way to warm under all I had. Today is 9/18 my oldest child's birthday,47 years ago today Oneson came into this world. My how he's changed from that pink wrinkled little old man to a ~~well I'm not sure here. It was the thing for parents to have expectations, fortunately I've totally outgrown that and didn't really press it while he was growing. I'd always felt that we are born with talents and it's up to us to find them and we'll know when we do cause they will give us inner joy. Well he found his early in being with animals, he had brains, liked learning aspiring early to be a Large Animal Vet ~~the plans of mice and men. He quite college at the end of his second year due to lack of funds. True to himself he quite, I found out some three weeks later.He says he wouldn't of wanted that life it was too political or something for him, and didn't like just working just any animals he likes getting close to them.?? Anyway I had turned him in that direction by saying money is not the object, being happy in what we do each day should be our goal. Says he likes construction but not the roofing he's forced to do these days, but his training while growing up provided him with know how of may things keeping his life interesting and he can survive on his many talents. His pleasure and off time is spent with his Dog Horses and of course these silly wild Deer that follow him around worse than nagging wives.

He's not at all what I expected or dreamed, but then it is not my life to aspire to. Quite a few years back I settled this one in my belief system by realizing my children were not me and would be who they designed themselves to be, and my job in it all was simply to Accept Them As Is Lovingly. I have, or thought I had, since he became a heavy drinker destroying relationships and his freedoms with it. Accepted that, until I had to live with it. As much as I desired that to change, it's his to do, just not in my immediate life. So it's not changing him I desired, but what he inflicts on me by choosing this. He seems to have finally gotten my drift, that I too have the right to choose and don't choose to live with the outcome this creates for me. Hasn't stopped but is doing a great job controlling it cause he wants to live here. Here gives him the opportunity to be with the animals that gives him joy he is a true outdoorsman. The rest of his life I guess gives joy too in a different way cause we are all diverse individuals and he likes to take things apart and put them together. I too am finding more joy of my own liking with his transformed attitude. Regardless of what we do with our lives the true measure of success is our level of happiness from inner JOY ~~he has aspired to exactly what I'd held for him by setting his inner joy on fire even it he didn't set the world on fire~~

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