Saturday, April 23, 2011

OK I Get It

Did I say I was dense, well many times I just don't notice. Lately though life has been more flowing because Spirit was pushing that idea to be noticing what is being reflected as our lives. Now I didn't do much noticing before knowing this is just a passing through experience, it is what it is, and I have all the stuff in my chart that says I'm one to take life serious anyway. And I do. So being between this rock of knowing life is illusion and a hard place of taking it serious, I fought it and it never really worked as I'm constantly telling myself to lighten up. Like this thing in last blog is really bothering me, and I've run it over and over in my head as if I'm going to have to justify myself to someone, and I really know better than to think this way cause it's just a dinner for a religious holiday I no longer celebrate. Thus more evidence of doing it to please others. It holds no importance in my life any longer, what is important is my enjoying what will most likely be my hockey teams last game of the season; knowing after this I go into hockey withdrawal.

Looking back I see how my life was filled with people who did their own thing and I always went along gracefully to please them. Oneson is a catalyst in this instance too, cause he carries attitude of entitlement which I now live with daily; the guy I was with for years did too, but he was more subtle than abrasive. What Higher Self has done is throw people at me who expressed this in more pronounced ways as time went on, and I failed to get the message that the People Pleaser in me was a self destruct characteristic. Thanks to Spirit I finally began noticing in a different way, and now see where I've brought these situations into my reflective experience in a desire to transform the People Pleaser need in myself. PP like all other persona glitches are far from unselfish, it totally carries a self need that one is attempting to be satisfied. Most often with this is a need to be loved or valued without reason - just because your you, your loved unconditionally which is the divine love we do without in human form. It's the kind of love we will be striving to create in this next new Cycle paradigm of experience. Thus it's that need which was prominent in me so I could come to understand this new frequency of love by having sought to attain it. When you don't get this from others you strive to be pleasing them to gain it. It's time for me to rid self of that illusion I've held trying to get it, and to realize it comes only when it is the reflection from within me that is not tied to ego based outer performance. Behind this (for me) I've recognized it began by choosing a mother who made me feel I had to perform perfectly to be loved. That simple foolish statement she canted "What will the neighbors think" will forever ring in my ears if I don't transform this PP block within my emotional body of consciousness to recognize that unconditional divine love is not something we gain, It's What We Are and in the new Cycle of the Golden Age that frequency must vibrate within being the expression of who we are for us to exist as of that new reality frequency.

No comments: